Conan: My first guest is a comedienne and actress. She’s the creator of the hilarious Comedy Central show “Strangers With Candy.” Please welcome Amy Sedaris!

(Amy enters, turns around and shakes her butt at the audience)

Conan: Shakin’ your butt at the audience.

Amy: Hey look, it’s got a little bunny tail on it.

Conan: Yeah, that’s nice! (Grabs at Amy’s butt and meows) I like it, I like it just fine!

Amy: Oh my God, happy new year! Congratulations on your baby. I’m glad you kept it and everything. That’s nice. I bet you’re a great dad.

Conan: What am I, gonna give it away? Of course.

Amy: I dunno... Um, man, I bet you’re really good with the baby.

Conan: I am really good with the baby. I’m sort like a giant baby myself.

Amy: I know!

Conan: I’m always like “Ah goo goo goo goo goo goo!”

Amy: I know!

Conan: And that was long before I had a baby, so--

Amy: You’ve got that animated face and um you look good, you’re not fat. You know, people mostly put on weight when they have babies.

Conan: No, no, no, not me. I keep in good shape. I stay thin. Let’s talk about you, though.

Amy: Oh, OK.

Conan: You’re the focus right now. You look lovely, by the way.

Amy: Oh, thank you.

Conan: How did you spend Christmas? Was Christmas nice this year?

Amy: Well, uh, I went home for Christmas for a little while before Christmas and that was fun. I helped my little brother put up outdoor lights with toupee tape.

Conan: Oh really?

Amy: Yeah, haha! HEE-HAW!

Conan: Is your brother a donkey?! Hee haw! Hee haw! You live on the Island of Misfit toys! Now I remember!

Amy: Wouldn’t that be fun! But then I did something really stupid. I came back and, um, somebody gave me--um, I always have a drug-related story to talk about--someone gave me a pot brownie and--(in Jerri Blank voice) I don’t remember his name--but I was like, ‘grow up, grow up.’ You know what I mean?

Conan: His name was Raul, probably.

Amy: Raul! Haha!

Conan: So, someone gave you a pot brownie--

Amy: Yeah, and I was like, at first I was like, grow up, they’re for kids. Anyway, so I was really hungry, so I--

Conan: They’re for kids....

Amy: I had never done them before--

Conan: Not recommended for over the age of eight.

Amy: But anyway, I ate a whole one and I had a really bad experience on it.

Conan: You ate a whole pot brownie?!

Amy: Yeah, and I didn’t know cuz I never had one. So it was an awful, awful, awful experience. I do not recommend them, they’re terrible. Anyway, so I didn’t know what to do and so I called my doorman, you know, my intercom was on and I was on my back and he talked me down for an hour.

Conan: So your doorman helped you get down from a really bad pot brownie?

Amy: Yeah, I said I want to call an ambulance and he’s like, “It’s just in your head, Amy, it’s gonna end,” so--

Conan: You have such heartwarming holiday stories.

Amy: I know! It’s true!

Conan: “I’m glad you kept the baby! Let’s talk about my pot brownie!”

Amy: I know! It’s like, baby in the oven, turkey on the loose. It’s terrible.

Conan: Now, do you help when you go home? Do you help your parents? I know you like to give them a hard time, but are you a helpful person?

Amy: Oh yeah.

Conan: Do you help get ready for the big Christmas party?

Amy: I do. One time when I was little, my mom asked me to set the table and there were 9 of us, including my grandmother, and I set with, um, Kotexes. Nine Kotexes. Because it said ‘sanitary napkin’ on the box.

Conan: Right, and you thought it was just a napkin.

Amy: Yeah, I mean, ‘sanitary napkin.’ It’s perfect! Sanitary, too! So I had nine of them lined up around the table... They went ‘wheee!’ (makes motion shaped like a maxi-pad)

Conan: Haha, stop that!

Amy: And it had belts and--

Conan: No one has to hear about that.

Amy: Why not?

Conan: Get comfortable. So, any New Year’s resolutions this year?

Amy: I’m gonna grow my toenails out.

Conan: Oh, that’s nice.

Amy: And... um... what else am I gonna do....

Conan: You mean Howard Hughes just before he died? He had long curly Q ones. Uh huh. So you’re gonna grow your toenails out and what else?

Amy: Um.... I’m going to... let’s see.... what do I wanna do... I’m going to exercise  more. I went to some’s health club, they invited me as a guest, and I went down and used the ladies’ room, which I never do, and there so many naked women...

Conan: 30 seconds!

Amy: 30 seconds?

Conan: I hate to interrupt your story about nudity... (cuts her off for the central time zone and Belize countdown)

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