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amy sedaris interviews
Amy Sedaris on Conan O'Brien > June 26, 2003

Conan: My next guest is a comedienne, an actress and the creator of the hilarious Comedy Central show Strangers With Candy. Please welcome our friend Amy Sedaris!

(Amy enters)

Conan: You look great tonight, that is a great skirt!

Amy: Oh! Mmm! Looks better on the floor! Thank you! I actually got it um--

Conan: Yeah, yeah!

Amy: From this magazine called, it's for couches, I got it from Nest magazine. And my friend Todd Oldham made me this skirt in less an an hour. He put rhinestones on it. Isn't it cute?

Conan: It's very cool! Yeah, it's very nice!

Amy: Thank you!

Conan: It's very nice. It's like burlap or something.

Amy: You wanna touch it?

Conan: Yeah

Amy: Ow!

Conan: That was the least sexy way a guy could've done that!

Amy: I'll say!

Conan: (repeatedly pokes Amy’s leg and laughs in a nerdy manner) Ok, I"ll stop that now. You know what's uh, there are many things about you I find interesting.

Amy: Eh?

Conan: Hehheh, your looks, your beauty, hehheh. No, but you work a lot in film, you work in television, you're a very successful person and you also work part-time at a restaurant.

Amy: Well, I just got a job last night! At Mary's Fish Camp in my neighborhood! And I just started turning last night!

Conan: And you're not kidding about this, you really work in this restaurant.

Amy: Well, they hired me. Yeah, when someone calls in sick, I'll run over there and do it. it's a lot of hard work, though.

Conan: But do people recognize you and stuff and say, oh my God, I saw you on TV and now you're taking my order at the fish restaurant?

Amy: Yeah, some people recognize me but my girlfriend made me this necklace, Jennifer Kellogg, and it say “Gone Fishin,” so I wore this last night and got a lot of compliments on it.

Conan: I like the way you say ‘gone fishin’

Amy: But the people are really nice. I used to work in this restaurant where the people weren't so nice and there's this trick you can do do nasty customers where if you put Visine in their cocktail, it will instantly give them diarrhea. And I didn't believe it but I tried it at home--LOSER!--I did, I went home and I tried it and I got diarrhea.

Conan: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Just a little visine in a drink--

Amy: Well, not a little. I had to do like 8 drops.

Conan: Now that children at home know the exact dosage...

Amy: Yeah, but moisture drops, that doesn't work.

Conan: Why did you try this?

Amy: I just didn't believe, I just didn't believe that it would actually work.

Conan: So you tried it on yourself?

Amy: So I tried it on myself. I'm so stupid.

Conan: You do a lot of crafts.

Amy: Yes, I do!

Conan: I don't think there's a time when you come on the show when you haven't told us or presented one of your crafts projects.

Amy: Well, my latest project is, let's see, I put some rhinestones on my bra straps.

Conan: Nice, I like that!

Amy: Then um, well, I went to a museum recently and you know those little cases and it has like famous gems around the world, like turquoise and ruby and it's like little chips of stone, they're glued to a piece of paper. You know what I'm talking about?

Conan: Yeah, they're on like a little pillow or something in like a case.

Amy: Exactly. Well, I was gonna replace them with all these different pills from my friends, you know, and take like famous pills and put the name of the pill underneath is but I keep taking the pills. I keep breaking into it. It's the longest project I’ve ever worked on!

Conan: Wait a minute, so you'll get some of the pills in there and then you'll just lose your nerve and smash it and say, I need that Dexedrine?

Amy: Dexedrine? Yeah, uh huh. Haha! But it's nice collecting pills from my friends. Now I know what they're on. You know what I mean?

Conan: Yeah, what are they on? They're on all kinds of stuff, right?

Amy: I'm actually looking for an Oxycotin for the Hope diamond in the center.

Conan: What's an Oxycotin?

Amy: (to audience) It's like, what is it, like heroin, then Oxycotin then Vicodin, right?

Conan This segment will never air on television. You know that.

Amy: I'm not saying take it! Haha!

Conan: There's a network censor watching this segment--

Amy: Hey!

Conan: And his heart just blew out of his chest. "Here's how you poison a drink to cause diarrhea! And now my heroin collection!" We're gonna clean the segment up.

Amy: Ok!

Conan: I understand you brought me a gift. That's nice for you to talk about.

Amy: Oh, I did!... I did, I haven't seen you in a year and, um, you know, I brought you these presents. (hands Conan a paper bag)

Conan: Oh cool, I like the presentation here on television. It looks like you just went to a liquor store. Is there one I open first?

Amy: Um, it doesn't matter. Hey, isn't the paper pretty? I got it at a baking store. It looks pretty when you laminate it.

Conan: That’s nice. Oh, that's great, the new DVD that's out of of yours--Strangers With Candy--isn’t that amazing. What a nice gift for me.

Amy: We do commentary--Steve and Paul and I do commentary, and it's really boring because it was 9:00 in the morning.

Conan: That’s really great, right, because it's a gift for me but also an excellent chance for you to promote your project.

Amy: I know. I’m so bad at promoting. That’s why I thought, ya know.

Conan: Let me guess what this could be? Oh look! It’s the new book that you're here to talk about! It’s Wigfield! What do you know? That’s so nice. So tell us about Wigfield. Now that you've given it to me a present, what better way to discuss it?

Amy: Well, it's a book and most people say that it's about strip clubs, porno shops and used auto part yards but it's more about strippers and pornographers and people who sell used auto parts, but um, I have to give Paul Dinello--

Conan: Please make a distinction there for me. Was there a distinction? No, I don't think there was.

Amy: But really, Paul Dinello and Stephen Colbert literally wrote it and I, you know, we did photographs and I just wanted it to be a picture book but we had to put words to it.

Conan: Right, you originally pitched an idea about a children’s book--

Amy: I did, about a worm, and he was on a journey, like what kind of worm am I--tapeworm or mealworm--and then he discovers he's a tequila worm and it's about reaching for the lowest star, but they didn't go for it. Isn’t that adorable?

Conan: So, a nice children’s book about alcoholism.

Amy: Yeah!

Conan: And they wanted nothing to do with it?

Amy: Nothing!

Conan: What’s wrong with these people?

Amy: I don't know, Conan.

Conan: Now, you have some pictures here from the book. Why don't you tell us what these pictures are. These are photos about the different people who live in Wigfield?

Amy: You have them or do I have them?

Conan: I think they're up here on the special machine.

Amy: Oh, OK.

Conan: Who is this?

Amy: Todd Oldham did the photograhs. That’s Ella Mae Padgett. She's the oldest resident. She’s 48 years old and that wig is great. It looks like a coconut.

Conan: Yeah, these are all you. You’re playing all these characters.... Oh my!

Amy: That’s Cinnamon and she's a stripper. That’s my real stomach, haha. Her philosophy is KOKO, which means 'keep on keepin' on'.

Conan: Right. And who is this?

Amy: He's a recently retarded lawyer. And his briefcase is full of fudge.

Conan: Nice, nice.

Amy: He’s adorable. He’s my favorite.

Conan: He smears the fudge all over himself.

Amy: Haha! Just recently.

Conan: Isn’t that nice. Well, the book--and this is so nice that there here as gifts for me--Wigfield, is available in stores now and the first season of one of my favorite TV shows ever, Strangers With Candy, is available on DVD. Always a delight to have you. Seriously.

Amy: Oh, thank you so much!

Conan: Amy Sedaris!

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