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amy sedaris interviews
Amy Sedaris on David Letterman > October 22, 2004

Dave: Our next guest is a talented actress, a very funny woman, a good friend of ours. Here’s the lovely Amy Sedaris.

Amy: Thank you! I requested that song!

Dave: Is that right?

Amy: Like that! And it happened! I knew you’d know it.

Paul: That’s right--”Moonlight Feels Right.”

Amy: By Starbuck. I like that, it makes me happy, that song.

Dave: And I might say, as always, you look wonderful.

Amy: Thank you very much! So do  you!

Dave: You look terrific. You look like you’ve been on a vacation or something.

Amy: You don’t think this looks too country kitchen? Country kitchen, this top?

Dave: No, no, it looks great. What is that, exactly?

Amy: I did a photo shoot for this store called Built By Wendy and they gave me this top, but I didn’t know if it was too country kitchen--like 15 minute meals in 20 minutes. Let it sit. Let the shoulder sit. And I was going to wear this skirt that Sarah Jessica gave me and it was a little tight around the waist, and I was like, Wow! I can’t believe it fits me! And she’s like, “No, that goes around the hips.” (laughs) Whoooooooop! Bitch!

Dave: I’m sorry.

Amy: TGIF!

Dave: I guess so!

Amy: TGIF! And Tommy Lee’s here!

Dave: Yeah.

Amy: Did you read the dirt? The autobiography of Motley Crue?

Dave: I haven’t gotten to that yet. I have it on tape.

Amy: Filthy. IT is the dirtiest book I have ever read in my life. I read it twice. I’m not kidding. Oh yeah, it’s good. I like your tie!

Dave: Thank you very much.

Amy: Do you wear a different tie every night? Do you ever double up or anything?

Dave: What do you mean ‘double up?’

Amy: No, I’m serious. Do you ever repeat a tie?

Dave: Repeat a tie? You mean the same tie two nights in a row?

Amy: Or maybe wear one Wednesday--yeah, you know, or maybe next week you’ll wear that tie?

Dave: No. I have a different tie for each show, and after each show, I throw it away.

Amy: You do not throw it away!

Dave: No, I have about a dozen ties.

Amy: Yeah, OK... Whooooooo! All right.

Dave: You had some dental surgery--I hope that turned out all right for you.

Amy: Yeah, have you had--you’ve had dental surgery, of course. Let me tell you something--it’s awful! You know, I collect a lot of medical books and--

Dave: You have beautiful teeth, though.

Amy: They’re all bad. I collect books like oral surgery books, skin disorder books. They just make me laugh. You know, they’ve got the black tape over the eyes. And they make good cards. You can cut out a picture and say “Hollywood loves a winning smile” and use one of those pictures, “Smile! It’s showtime!” So anyway, no one felt sorry for me when I had that done. I had stitches in my mouth!

Dave: Oh! What was the procedure?

Amy: An apicoectomy. Something like that. But that doesn’t matter.

Dave: An apicoectomy?

Amy: Yeah, yeah, yeah, look it up. Anyway, oh my God, they don’t prepare you. They give you Vicodin, which are pain killers, which are great when you don’t have pain, but when you’re sick and you need them... Yeah, it’s true. And I’m a crafty person.

Dave: You’re very handy.

Amy: Yeah, I’m very handy. Ask any guy. But you know those goofy Pez dispensers? Vicodin fits in those perfectly. Perfectly. So I did a lot of crafts that way. But it makes you crazy! And I take a lot--

Dave: Vicodin makes you crazy?

Amy: Vicodin does. But I bake a lot and I kept thinking, Huh, that’s an odd place for the spatula... Where, Amy? Bath tub, I don’t know. Enough about me, let’s talk about us.

Dave: How’s everything at home? Your rabbit?

Amy: Oh, thank you very much.

Dave: Your rabbit’s uh--

Amy: Dusty.

Dave: Dusty.

Amy: And I went to a rabbit conference last weekend. Have you ever been to a rabbit conference?

(Dave looks unsure and shakes his head yes uncertainly)

Dave: I didn’t know they had rabbit conferences.

Amy: They do. It’s uh... It’s ridiculous. No, no, it’s not ridiculous--it’ll come back to me. But they say you look like your animals, so they had a lot of overbites. I’m not kidding... It’s guys. It’s the guys at a rabbit conference.

Dave: Do you meet nice guys at a rabbit conference?

Amy: No, they’re the kind of guys, you know, they’re easy to hurt. They’re tender... You know what I mean? They do. They look like John Davidson. They’re short, they sit with their knees crossed at the ankle like that, or together--one ball--or together. Like, you know, on the train, guys always sit with their legs like that. They’re just... And they always have rescue stories about how they saved bunnies. And I’m like, why do you--I mean, are you here to meet women? I don’t know.

Dave: I don’t know.

Amy: And then the men that come with their wives, I’m like, they’re guilty about something. What are they doing here? But rabbit--you know, fur is real popular.

Dave: Rabbit fur?

Amy: Rabbit fur’s really popular. They’re not killing mink. They said that rabbit’s cheaper, so that’s their reason. And it’s the mini-rex, my kind of rabbit, that’s the fur that they want.

Dave: Oh my goodness, so your rabbit’s actually endangered then, in a way.

Amy: She is. And you know, I wear leather and eat meatballs and stuff like that but, you know, it breaks my heart. But I was thinking, for a children’s book, maybe for Harry, it would be a good idea, you know it opens with a rabbit getting skinned alive and tossed into a heap with other rabbits, but it survives and then it spends the rest of the book going on a journey, trying to find the woman who took her coat. Hilarity ensues!

Dave: Uh huh.

Amy: It’s just something I’m thinking about. How is Harry?

Dave: He’s fine, thank you. And I think it’s a lovely, idea, all but the bloody gore at the beginning.

Amy: Or maybe a fox coaxes the rabbit out of its coat. Her mother will kill her if she comes home without it. Skin her alive. Um, are you going to get a pumpkin? Will you go pumpkin shopping?

Dave:Yes, I’ll probably get a pumpkin and carve a little thing for the boy.

Amy: Ok, wait a minute, you’ll carve--I can’t even imagine you in a patch.

Dave: In my own way, I’m fairly handy. Oh, I won’t go to a patch.

Amy: What do you do? Do they bring the pumpkin to you, and show you a selection of pumpkins? “I’ll take that one! Send it over there!”

Dave: --- And then I’ll carve a little face. I’m looking forward to it

Amy: Did you sketch this? Do you know what the face is going to look like yet?

Dave: I’ve been doing it for so long, I have it in memory. I don’t even need to draw it, I just carve it out.

Amy: I understand that. Yeah, I know. I understand that.

Dave: And it’s a lot of fun.

Amy: I know! I already have my pumpkin.

Dave: Is it already carved up?

Amy: No, I’ll wait till Halloween.

Dave: Yeah. Uh, and this may be a sensitive area and if you don’t walk to talk about it--

Amy: (giggles) Sensitive!

Dave: But how’s your boyfriend? Is it Ricky?

Amy: Ricky. I never talk about Ricky except for on this show.

Dave: Now, can I point out one thing?

Amy: Please!

Dave: Now, Ricky is your imaginary boyfriend.

Amy: Correct. Losing my head!... Um, but I never talk about Ricky except with you. You’re the only one who ever asks about him.

Dave: Right.

Amy: You know, and then some magazine like Psychology Today or Utne Reader called me and wanted to interview me about Ricky and I was like no, and then I called them back and I was like, OK. And we had a nice conversation about him.

Dave: About your imaginary boyfriend.

Amy: Yeah. But he lost all his tools in a fire, so they all melted, so he’s going to be joining me a little earlier this year.

Dave: That’s too bad.

Amy: Yeah.

Dave: So he’s a grip?

Amy: Yeah, yeah, in Argentina.

Dave: Oh, he’s in Argentina?

Amy: He’s the perfect boyfriend, you know. Maybe I’m just not all hooked up right. Is that what you said? No, I’m the sanest person you’ll ever meet, I think!

Dave: Now, you and Ricky had a child?

Amy: Well, Hercules. We had a baby boy around the same time you had a baby boy. *(breaks into Agnes Moorehead impression)* And then our nanny, she put him down when she was co-signing that check and an owl came down and took Hercules away... So, um, I don’t have an owl but she has a new entertainment system.

Dave: Well, I certainly wish the best--

Amy: You know what, I saw “The Bad Seed” recently. Have you seen “The Bad Seed?” It just came out on DVD? Great movie. There’s a character in it that talks just like Agnes Moorehead, a guy. Yeah, and it’s really funny. You should see it.

Dave: Yeah. And The Bad Seed is about an evil child?

Amy: Yeah! An evil child. Yeah, it’s great.

David: What about the Halloween costumes? Did those bring back memories? Did you see any of those?

Amy: I did not! I saw this one girl dressed up like Courtney Love and I was gonna say, “Why do you look like Courtney Love?” and I didn’t, and then she told me and I wish I had said something.

Dave: That’s right.

Amy: And I got this ring free. I was at a store and --- I was at a store --- I like dennis/dentist (?) type rings--and I was at a store and I said, How much is this, and she said, You can have it. It was like six bucks or something. Yeah, on New Year’s Eve once, I was at a store, I needed to buy some rolling papers and I didn’t have any money on me, and I said, Can I just have these? And he said yes! Miracle on Christopher Street!

Dave: Yeah, that’s right!

Amy: Isn’t that great?

Dave: That’s quite a story! Uh, but when you were a kid, did you go trick-or-treating and stuff?

Amy: Yeah, I liked Halloween. And when I got older, I had a club--I think I was the only one in the club--but it was called the Funny Face Club. And I would go door to door and I would offer to get rid of people’s jack-o-lanterns for them. And I would take them for 25 cents and then I’d just go throw them in the street... I know--I just--I don’t know why.

Amy: Yeah! Always that 25 cents, I don’t know what it is.

Dave: And you just look tremendous. Have you been on vacation or something?

Amy: Really? No, I haven’t been on vacation at all that I can think of.

Dave: Well, no, you’d know if you were on vacation.

Amy: That I would remember that, right?

Dave: Yeah, I think so.

(Amy pretends to think really hard)

Amy: I had plastic surgery! After my dental surgery, something didn’t heal properly and I had to go see a plastic surgeon. Right, go through the whole thing again, set back again, Vicodin again, and then I, uh, so, uh, yeah! I have the mouth of a 20-year-old.

Dave: In your mouth.

Amy: Yeah.

Dave: Who’s going to see in your mouth?

Amy: A lot of people see in my mouth. A lot. I have a question. When you were little, did you know you wanted to, like do radio or talk shows, like did you talk in tin cans and stuff? Did you know ahead of time that you wanted--were you always doing that?

Dave: No.

Amy: Oh really? Just, OK.

Dave: I got this job--I won a theme writing contest.

Amy: Oh yeah? What was that theme?

Dave: There’s no point in pursuing it.

Amy: Oh, OK.

Dave: Uh, all right, what can we talk about? Anything you want to mention? Your plans for the holidays, you have a clip to show, what do you want to do?

Amy: Oh, I wish I had a clip with me, that would be funny, or someone else’s clip.

Dave: Yeah.

Amy: Yeah, that would be really fun, wouldn’t it?

Dave: Next time, next time, there’s always next time.

Amy: Do you think you’ll have me back again?

Dave: I think so, yeah.

Amy: Yeah, TGIF. Do I have anything else I want to talk about? Why, do you need more time? I can think of things.

Dave: No, we are--

Amy: Oh, we are? It’s really good to see you!

Dave: Always a pleasure to see you. Amy Sedaris, ladies and gentlemen, we’ll be right back with Tommy Lee.

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